Today I turned in my application for RTI (Reach Training Institute), a ministry school through the Alliance denomination. In order to apply I had to write a call to ministry essay that included the story of my becoming a Christian and why I feel called to ministry. Now all that's left is to pray and wait. Here is my essay:
When
I was sixteen years old my friend Melissa invited me to her youth group. I
distinctly remember watching a group of people praying for a sobbing girl named
Brianna and thinking: This girl’s life
must be really messed up for her to cry in front of all of these people. I
didn’t understand what was happening, and the thought of opening myself up to
the point where I would cry openly in front of a group of people was
unfathomable. My entire life had been spent learning to keep parts of myself
hidden, it meant survival and it meant safety. I believed that the only
possibility of being loved by those around me relied on my ability to hide that
which made me unlovable. I was drawn to the foreign love and acceptance that I
saw in this little group and found myself coming back each week. I wasn’t sure
about God, but I was completely drawn in by the way that God was moving in and
through the people in this community.
A few months later I went
on a youth retreat with the group. During a time of worship I was overcome by
God’s presence. I saw an image of the cross in my childhood bedroom: the place
where my most desperate tears were cried, where I would dare myself to gain the
courage to end my life, where I felt completely alone. God entered that place
and revealed His love for me. I was not alone, I was deeply loved by the God
who created the universe and knit me together in my mother’s womb. I spent
hours on the floor weeping as God poured His love out on me. Words of truth
were spoken over places where lies had previously reigned.
As I opened the door to
my high school the following Monday, just like I did every school day, I
stopped to marvel at the fact that everything around me seemed the same as it
had before. Physically, everything was the same, but I knew that everything was
different. A piece of eternity had taken root in me and my life had become a
stark contrast to my surroundings. As my foot crossed the threshold and I
stepped into the building it was a different person entering than the one who
had entered the previous Friday. I had been made new.
God used a community of
people to draw me to Himself. Young teens who were transparent with where they
were at and loved each other deeply and authentically guided my first steps toward
God. I am very thankful for the way that I became a follower of Christ, because
I got to see the power of God moving within a community of people who had come
together to seek Him. I believe that authentic community lived for the glory of
God can transform lives, neighborhoods, cities, and the nations. My desire is
to be a part of creating environments where people who don’t know Christ can
come and see God moving in the lives of the people around them. Creating places
where God is seen and glorified through the way people love and are loved.
I first came to Church on
the Hill in January of 2011. I had watched my former community split in
different directions and was left feeling lost and forgotten. Coming to Church
on the Hill was a breath of fresh air. During this time God began walking me
through healing from wounds that I had held onto like a little girl clutches
her security blanket. I ended up moving in with a person from the church that I
hardly knew, Becca Couch, and I got to witness first-hand the power of her immense
faith. As I watched the interaction of a healthy community centered on Christ I
began to learn what it means to live beyond myself.
In June of the following
year Becca and I started a community house called the Cube. We began with six
girls and a goal of living intentional, authentic lives for Christ. During that
time I was a part small group with two other girls. We noticed that the church
had a lot of young adults without an outlet to plug-in beyond Sundays. Our
weekly small group meetings turned into a dedicated time to pray for young
adults and seek God’s will for a young adult ministry. My plan was to help
during the summer and step back when my job began again in the fall. As summer
came to an end we had a meeting to lay out our vision. During that meeting I
felt God say “I am calling you to this.”
My plan for the next year
took a dramatic shift. I didn’t know much at all about ministry, let alone
launching something from scratch. I began asking questions and seeking
knowledge wherever I could get it. I joined middle school ministries, as an
observer of sorts, so that I could have an example of what it looks like to
build a leadership team. Jason Treadwell, Bruce Stefanik, and Diana Miller came
alongside me during this time. They taught me, encouraged me, and supported me.
They had confidence in me before I had confidence in myself. They saw what God
was doing in and through me and helped me to walk in that.
As I took shaky, unsure
steps in obedience I came face-to-face with my inadequacies, I began to realize
how ill-equipped I am to do God’s will in my own strength. Through this, I found
myself living a life of complete reliance on God. As I laid down my pride God
began to use my inadequacies to glorify Himself. I watched God transform a
little house called the Cube and a small group of three girls into a ministry
where lives were changed. We prayed together, we laughed together, we cried
together, and we witnessed the power of God’s redemption.
During the first year of
the Cube I constantly found myself coming back to Romans 8. It has become my
favorite chapter of the Bible because it speaks so clearly of the power of God,
Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Romans 8 reminds us that we are joyously
anticipating the redemption of the earth. Creation is groaning with the pains
of childbirth, and like childbirth, the pains are leading to the redemption of
God’s creation. I need to be constantly reminded of this eternal perspective
because I am so quick to forget that I have been made for eternity, not the
moment that I am living in right now. This reminder humbles me and quiets my
soul.
I have chosen to pursue
ministry because God has given me a passion for helping others come to know Him
and walk in the freedom that can only be found in Christ. I believe that I am
supposed to be a part of creating community environments where people can come
and see the power of the body of Christ in action. God has clearly called me to
this, but has also clearly laid ministry before me as a choice. I understand
the weight of a life of ministry, it means living beyond myself, and I know
that that can only happen when I am fully relying on God. I never imagined
myself in the place that I am at today, and that is solely because God was the
one that lead me here. I am ready to devote myself to the call that God has on
my life, and I believe that RTI is a powerful tool that can help me as I pursue
that call.
